Friday, June 27, 2008
Movie review
I recently picked up this Jimmy Carter documentary at the local DVD store. Like most DVDs that are available for purchase here in China, the origin of this particular DVD is somewhat murky. The funny thing you see on a lot of these is that the basics of the DVD cover look fine, but if you really look at the text it often turns out to be pretty funny. This is a great case in point. You probably can't read it on the blog itself, but double-click on the second image to read the review of this movie. Either this is a fake DVD or Sony Pictures has to take a much better look at the quality of its marketing department.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Baby shower game/quiz
Jenny recently threw a baby shower for her friend Elizabeth. Besides the lame grunt work that is normally assigned to me on these occasions, I was tasked with coming up with a game. I wrote up a baby/child oriented quiz. A few questions have a some China-living specific elements, but most are pretty generic. The answers are fairly negotiable so we had a hard time determining a winner. I suggested a sudden-death playoff involving the decidedly un-PC sounding Indian leg wrestling that we used to do in Boy Scouts, but was voted down. Anyway, try your luck!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Shower quiz
1) What’s the best way to deal with labor pains?
A) Acupuncture
B) Well rehearsed breathing techniques
C) Holding your spouse’s hand and knowing his love can sustain you through this trial
D) Heavy doses of prescription pain killers injected directly into your spine
2) Which of the following are you more likely to buy with your first child than with your third?
A) Bottle sanitizer
B) Changing table
C) Diaper genie
D) All of the above
3) What can you never have enough of?
A) Money
B) Love
C) Peace of mind
D) Sippy cups
4) You drop a pacifier on the floor of a restaurant. Match the responses below
When the pacifier belongs to your:
a) 1st child
b) 2nd child
c) 3rd child
d) 4th child
then you will:
1) Rinse it off with some Diet Coke
2) Brush it off on your pants
3) Rinse it off with some water
4) Wash in soap and water then boil to sanitize
5) What goes well with ketchup?
A) Hot dogs
B) Hamburgers
C) Macaroni and cheese
D) Pasta
E) All of the above
6) The remote is lost. Where’s the most logical place to look for it?
A) Under the couch near the TV
B) In the toilet
C) In the garage mixed in with the bike helmets or garden tools
D) It doesn’t really matter since someone has probably pulled the batteries out anyway
7) Your spouse calls you at work to tell you that one of the kids has somehow gone to the bathroom on the computer keyboard. Your most likely response is:
A) “I’ll come right home and take care of it”.
B) “Just pour some sawdust on it and I’ll take care of it when I get home”.
C) Say “Hold on just a second” then go ask your boss if there is some special project that he needs done right away, then get back on the phone and say “I’d love to help but I’ve got a big deadline”.
8) Your cordless phone is missing. What probably happened to it?
A) It’s in the toilet
B) It’s in the toilet with the remote
C) It’s in the toilet with the remote and maybe some car keys
9) What’s a sure sign that your spouse isn’t pulling his/her weight?
A) When sudden and conveniently timed “conference calls” start popping up whenever there’s a particularly stinky diaper to change
B) When a husband tries to disrupt the natural order of things by suggesting that his wife should start taking out the trash.
C) When you suspect that you’re the only one who cares about cleaning the lint filter in the dryer.
10) What’s the biggest problem with pet bunnies?
A) The cute bunnies grow up into plain old rabbits
B) They eat all the plants in your backyard up to about 18 inches high
C) You feel guilty as they just sit there in that little cage looking at you with those rabbit eyes and those wiggly noses with a look that is basically the same always but you somehow know that this time it means they’re totally depressed and wondering about what they could have possibly done in a prior life to deserve this miserable existence
D) Once they grow up you can’t give them to your ayi to take home, skin and eat because if the kids ever got wind of it you’d be branded “The Rabbit Killer” for life.
11) What is the most difficult thing to find?
A) The lid to the only clean Tupperware left in the cupboard
B) Both of your three year old’s church shoes on Sunday morning five minutes after you were supposed to leave to be on time
C) Enough spaghetti sauce after you’ve already put the spaghetti in the water to boil
D) The remote, your cordless phone and maybe your car keys all at the same time
12) Your kids want to get some goldfish real bad. What’s the best response?
A) “OK, but fish are a big responsibility and you’ll have to take care of them”
B) “OK, but you’ve got to catch them with a mini-fishing pole in one of those little ponds in a Chinese park”
C) “No, you’ll get bored of them and overfeed them and we’ll end up with a murky green fish tank with nothing in it except for a fake mini-treasure chest and some water skeeters scooting around on top”
D) Don’t make a fuss and just let them get the fish, but know that they’ll end up in the toilet with the remote, the cordless phone and maybe some car keys.
13) You know that you’re getting old when:
A) You start thinking reading glasses might actually come in handy
B) Your child’s teacher was born when you were in high school
C) Your kids ask you if the extra skin under your neck has a special name
D) You look back nostalgically at Soap on a Rope
14) Circle who would win in a fight (for clarification, no knives, guns or bombs allowed even secret super infinity power bombs that could destroy the world a million zillion infinity times):
Transformer vs. GI Joe
GI Joe vs. Island Princess Barbie
Island Princess Barbie vs. My Pretty Pony
My Pretty Pony vs. Webkins
Webkins vs. Blackberry
Blackberry vs. iPod
iPod vs. Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates
Bill Gates vs. Warren Buffett
Warren Buffett vs. Jimmy Buffett
Jimmy Buffett vs. Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter vs. Jimmy Dean Lil’ Smokies Mini-sausages
Jimmy Dean Lil’ Smokies Mini-sausages vs. Trans-fat Free Cheetos
Trans-fat Free Cheetos vs. Transformer
15) Why is it called a baby shower anyway?
A) I really have no idea
B) Because you shower the future mom with gifts and love
C) Because the first one ever held was during caveman times and they had no chairs and they sat around in the mud talking about babies so naturally they got dirty and towards the end one of them said “Man, after all this sitting in the mud and talking about babies I could really use a shower even though its not invented yet” and another said, “Yeah, me too, but first we’ve got to invent a shower curtain or we’ll get water all over the floor”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Shower quiz
1) What’s the best way to deal with labor pains?
A) Acupuncture
B) Well rehearsed breathing techniques
C) Holding your spouse’s hand and knowing his love can sustain you through this trial
D) Heavy doses of prescription pain killers injected directly into your spine
2) Which of the following are you more likely to buy with your first child than with your third?
A) Bottle sanitizer
B) Changing table
C) Diaper genie
D) All of the above
3) What can you never have enough of?
A) Money
B) Love
C) Peace of mind
D) Sippy cups
4) You drop a pacifier on the floor of a restaurant. Match the responses below
When the pacifier belongs to your:
a) 1st child
b) 2nd child
c) 3rd child
d) 4th child
then you will:
1) Rinse it off with some Diet Coke
2) Brush it off on your pants
3) Rinse it off with some water
4) Wash in soap and water then boil to sanitize
5) What goes well with ketchup?
A) Hot dogs
B) Hamburgers
C) Macaroni and cheese
D) Pasta
E) All of the above
6) The remote is lost. Where’s the most logical place to look for it?
A) Under the couch near the TV
B) In the toilet
C) In the garage mixed in with the bike helmets or garden tools
D) It doesn’t really matter since someone has probably pulled the batteries out anyway
7) Your spouse calls you at work to tell you that one of the kids has somehow gone to the bathroom on the computer keyboard. Your most likely response is:
A) “I’ll come right home and take care of it”.
B) “Just pour some sawdust on it and I’ll take care of it when I get home”.
C) Say “Hold on just a second” then go ask your boss if there is some special project that he needs done right away, then get back on the phone and say “I’d love to help but I’ve got a big deadline”.
8) Your cordless phone is missing. What probably happened to it?
A) It’s in the toilet
B) It’s in the toilet with the remote
C) It’s in the toilet with the remote and maybe some car keys
9) What’s a sure sign that your spouse isn’t pulling his/her weight?
A) When sudden and conveniently timed “conference calls” start popping up whenever there’s a particularly stinky diaper to change
B) When a husband tries to disrupt the natural order of things by suggesting that his wife should start taking out the trash.
C) When you suspect that you’re the only one who cares about cleaning the lint filter in the dryer.
10) What’s the biggest problem with pet bunnies?
A) The cute bunnies grow up into plain old rabbits
B) They eat all the plants in your backyard up to about 18 inches high
C) You feel guilty as they just sit there in that little cage looking at you with those rabbit eyes and those wiggly noses with a look that is basically the same always but you somehow know that this time it means they’re totally depressed and wondering about what they could have possibly done in a prior life to deserve this miserable existence
D) Once they grow up you can’t give them to your ayi to take home, skin and eat because if the kids ever got wind of it you’d be branded “The Rabbit Killer” for life.
11) What is the most difficult thing to find?
A) The lid to the only clean Tupperware left in the cupboard
B) Both of your three year old’s church shoes on Sunday morning five minutes after you were supposed to leave to be on time
C) Enough spaghetti sauce after you’ve already put the spaghetti in the water to boil
D) The remote, your cordless phone and maybe your car keys all at the same time
12) Your kids want to get some goldfish real bad. What’s the best response?
A) “OK, but fish are a big responsibility and you’ll have to take care of them”
B) “OK, but you’ve got to catch them with a mini-fishing pole in one of those little ponds in a Chinese park”
C) “No, you’ll get bored of them and overfeed them and we’ll end up with a murky green fish tank with nothing in it except for a fake mini-treasure chest and some water skeeters scooting around on top”
D) Don’t make a fuss and just let them get the fish, but know that they’ll end up in the toilet with the remote, the cordless phone and maybe some car keys.
13) You know that you’re getting old when:
A) You start thinking reading glasses might actually come in handy
B) Your child’s teacher was born when you were in high school
C) Your kids ask you if the extra skin under your neck has a special name
D) You look back nostalgically at Soap on a Rope
14) Circle who would win in a fight (for clarification, no knives, guns or bombs allowed even secret super infinity power bombs that could destroy the world a million zillion infinity times):
Transformer vs. GI Joe
GI Joe vs. Island Princess Barbie
Island Princess Barbie vs. My Pretty Pony
My Pretty Pony vs. Webkins
Webkins vs. Blackberry
Blackberry vs. iPod
iPod vs. Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates
Bill Gates vs. Warren Buffett
Warren Buffett vs. Jimmy Buffett
Jimmy Buffett vs. Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter vs. Jimmy Dean Lil’ Smokies Mini-sausages
Jimmy Dean Lil’ Smokies Mini-sausages vs. Trans-fat Free Cheetos
Trans-fat Free Cheetos vs. Transformer
15) Why is it called a baby shower anyway?
A) I really have no idea
B) Because you shower the future mom with gifts and love
C) Because the first one ever held was during caveman times and they had no chairs and they sat around in the mud talking about babies so naturally they got dirty and towards the end one of them said “Man, after all this sitting in the mud and talking about babies I could really use a shower even though its not invented yet” and another said, “Yeah, me too, but first we’ve got to invent a shower curtain or we’ll get water all over the floor”
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Spooky soap
This is a lame post, but I've always found this sort of funny. Whitecat is a popular Chinese brand of dishwashing soap. I think the cat in the picture just looks weird - maybe a little spooky or haunted or something. Would you trust that cat to get your dishes clean? Can you imagine someone in the US buying dishwashing soap with a picture of a creepy cat that looks like it could have come off of a santeria candle?
Sunday, June 1, 2008
New Beijing Airport
Beijing opened its new airport a couple of months ago. Its a beautiful building that is purportedly the largest terminal in the world. Huge high ceilings, lots of marble and glass. Its sort of like the Hong Kong airport, but the shopping isn't as varied and restaurants are almost all Chinese, which isn't a surprise. The Chinese are good at big public buildings.
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